It sucks. It’s been five days since he last left your fourth ‘hi’ text on seen. You wonder if you’ve done anything wrong. You’re frustrated and confused, because when you do go on dates, it always seems to be perfect. When you talk to him, it felt right. But why did he disappear?
Being ghosted is always the worse end of the rope. I’d been talking to that guy for about four months before he started gradually disappearing. Then, he was just gone. And it took me months to get over him, with a lot of trial and error as well as bucket loads of tears. To help you get over your jerk, here’s 3 things I did to get over being ghosted.
1. Say a proper goodbye
A lot of people would have just blocked the ghost or ignore it. But if you’re really smitten, say goodbye. It sounds like a bid for attention, but no. It’s all about the closure.
Saying goodbye is an important part of ending ANY relationship. It’s a powerful, deliberate action that gives you the right to declare your regrets and any unresolved feelings. It’s for you to give yourself a chance to clear your mind, and to start moving on.
I’d always say goodbye with a text message. The most important thing is not do what the text did. It feels horrible without a proper ‘yeah I don’t want to date you.’ but it’s better than giving the ghost a chance to explain himself. There is no excuse.
You can also control your emotions and your tone better with a text message. Speak your mind, but don’t be aggressive about it. Try to be nice and use neutral words. You might be angry, but you don’t want to give him a chance to pin the blame back onto you.
2. Cut off all contact
For obvious reasons, it’s difficult to cut contact with someone you once crushed hard on. You’ve once imagined a happy ending with him and now you’re strangers. It’s a hard pill to swallow but by ghosting you, he’s made it clear that he doesn’t want an ending with you.
It’s going to hurt even more when you see him online on Messenger. You’re going to obsessively check if he watches your Instagram story. Because if he does, he definitely cares about you (uh, no). You’re going to justify his actions a lot to convince yourself that he cares and maybe he’s just busy.
My advice is, block him for at least a month. You’ll start wanting to check his accounts less. Then, you can truly start moving on.
3. Don’t take it personally; it’s not your fault
There are a lot of feelings involved in being the ghostee. The feeling of being unwanted. The feeling of being rejected. The worst feeling that comes with the package is the feeling that you’re not even worth a rejection.
People ghost because they aren’t willing to commit. They aren’t willing to commit to you in a relationship and they aren’t willing to commit to a rejection. They string you along for some God forsaken reason, so they’d have something to fall back on. Bottom line is, they want you to be there for them, but they don’t want there for you. Don’t you think you’re worth so much more than this?
Don’t beat yourself up for something they’ve chosen to do. It’s important to reflect what went wrong, but don’t put the blame on yourself. You are worth it and someday, a person will appreciate you for that. In the meantime, block whoever does this to you.